Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Sorry to get to this so late in the day. Jet lag is murder.

This photo has been in my WTHIS folder for some time. I haven't posted it because I just don't know what to say. I kind of see a horse's head up there on her shoulder. What do you think?



What the hell is this?

Thursdays Vacations are for What the Hell is This?

Since I will be out of the country and away from all computers for the next ten days I thought I'd leave with you an early Thursday post. This one has been sent to me several times in the last few days.

It's the love-child of the Topless Knitting Club and Big Ass Knits. For when you want to look naked but with added bulk.





And for when you're feeling more modest.



See you all in July!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The Topless Knitting Club has reformed! I haven't seen any of its members since January of '05. It seems they are busy as always knitting scarves and hats and the occasional sarong.



But no sweaters. EVER.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Goodbye, folks. I'm off to join the circus. At least I know what I'll wear.







I can almost smell the peanuts. Maybe not...but there's definitely something nutty...

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Oh dear me. This poor child.



Someone has set her on point and quilted her.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Here's a little something for your Kitten with a Whip days.



Except the "whip" is a real whip, not a metaphor. Because it is just so darned hard to find a good sweater pattern to go with a whip.

And when you want to be naked but still wearing a sweater you just remove the part around your waist.



Dear God, is the top actually just strips of blue knitting wrapped over a black bra?)

This poor sad mannequin-woman has been impaled on chop sticks.



Poor, poor, sad mannequin-woman.

How to take a reasonable looking shell and make it crazy. Add cuffs.



And then add cuffs for those cuffs. And then add more cuffs!



Cuffs for everyone! You get a cuff! And you get a cuff! And you get a cuff!*


*Apologies to Oprah.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Let's head back to the runway, shall we?



Robot birdhouse woman looks so effortlessly elegant, no?



Treebeard, is that you?



So hard to find evening wear that accurately depicts one's lady-parts.



The jungle twist on vagina dentata.



Rawr.



I'm out. What the hell is this?

Come On, Guys

I was just kidding with you. Thursdays will be back next week. Besides, do you have any idea how long I had to search to find a sweater that boring? It was hard. And how could I not share something like this with you?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This? Isn't That Nice?

In light of recent accusations of being rude, I have begun to make some changes to this blog.



Isn't that nice?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Lately my new phrase for anything that I deem extremely nuts or silly is "crazypants." Well the universe was listening and sent me real crazypants.

CRAZY. PANTS.



They are Big Ass Knit Crazy Pants! What more could I ask for? Perhaps something heavier on the crazy and less on the pants?



And then crazier and crazier.






Insert bawdy, giant knit tube comment here. No, seriously, you can just insert one right in there.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

We have a gold standard for WTHIS. A litmus test. I must say to myself each week, "It's bad but is it Carnivorous Poncho bad?" This week's selections truly are.

First the Swaddle Pod.



The baby looks peaceful enough not yet realizing that is being absorbed into the pod. Soon it's lifeforce will be consumed and it will grow to maturity. Which I imagine looks like this.



Both patterns available for download so you too can be an emotionless pod person.

"They're here already! You're next!"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I know I'm going to get my hand slapped by the crocheters in the crowd. But lately I've been noticing a lot of crochet on Ravelry that has a troubling taste level, as they say on Project Runway.

From tiniest but most elaborate top ever...



to most risque belt presentation...



to pirate-themed...



What's going on? Where's the class? Where's the elegance? Then I saw this.



And my jaw dropped. Not as low as the model's bust though. As a busty person I can say from personal experience that this will not end well. Support, people, we need support!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The January TNNA fashion show videos were finally was posted on YouTube. It's not all Thursday material but there is a lot of head-scratchers in there. If you have an hour and a half to kill you can check it out. There were, I believe, 89 items in the fashion show. It was a marathon.

But we finally have the infamous Trekking boxers on a real live, unfortunate man. Red diaper or baboon's butt? You decide. The fun starts at about 1:25.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Just in time for Easter, Craftyhedgehog has just the perfect thing.





This is the same artist who created the dissected frog and rat (pattern available!). Unlike the previous two dissection pieces which take a universal childhood trauma and make it kind of cute, this piece takes a universally loved, cute childhood icon and slits him up the middle so children can gorge themselves on his innards.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Just in time for Thursday, new styles from the Upside-Down and Backwards collection. Wearing sweaters in their proper orientation is so last week.





Next week they'll be demonstrating it as conjoined legwarmers.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

What the hell happened here?



It looks like someone burned a sweater down and all that's left is this charred wreckage. Someone better board it up before any children or small animals get trapped inside.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Let's talk about the placement of design elements. You have to keep human anatomy in mind. You can't just slap things on a sweater willy-nilly.

This one could have been a cute tree frog instead of a toddler with a serious case of mastitis.



This could have been a "I'm a cute little lamb" onesie. Instead it's a "I'm birthing my first lamb. Someone get the shepherd!" Not right. Just not right.



And who thought "child being devoured by a hippo" was a good look?

A Little Thursday on Your Wednesday

It took two days to knit the first cuff for the ACS. If I can squeeze in some serious knitting time today and tomorrow I could possibly have a finished sweater on Friday. Could. Can't promise anything. And I need to wait for Erin to get back from California to school me on sewing on buttons. I'm terrible at it.

So in the meantime I will try to win your love with this. It is the fall runway show for Jean-Charles de Castelbajac. As a lover of Muppets I can't decide if I love it or hate it but either way I'm pretty sure you won't see much else like it. Please don't eat or drink while watching this. I don't want to be responsible for any gunked up keyboards or choking incidents.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I think I'll call this week, "The Layered Look: When Enough is Enough."







Come on, you can do better than that. I can still see the model under there.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Have you ever asked yourself, "What if deranged circus clowns got really into Norwegian knits via the 80s?" You haven't? Well, once you take a gander at Ashish's fall '09 fashions you'll be wondering why you didn't think of it sooner. It is gold, people. Pure gold.





See the full show here. You'll thank me.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

When I saw this vest I thought, "Whoa, that is a low neckline."

Then I went in for a closer look.



The neckline is supposed to run under the model's breasts. This, I think we can all agree, is a major fashion faux pas. As vests of this style should only be made of latex or, in a pinch, pleather.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

What the hell have you done with your legs?
Are they melting? Is there something inside them trying to get out?



How cold do you have to be for this to be a viable option?



The fur, the nubbles, the colors. What could be worse?



Oh.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I wish I could show videos every week. Somehow a video of a horrible design just brings the awfulness to life. I was going to post a few items from the new Vogue but now you can watch them move around set to wretched music!

Click here then click on the "Bold and the Beautiful."

Mostly I'd like to call out garments #2 and #3.
#2 has pretty much everything wrong with it I can possibly think of. It's super-bulky, screaming yellow, cropped (!), dripping in bobbles and has a completely weird collar. Other than the fact that it is knit and made of yarn I can't find anything to recommend it.

#3 worries me deeply. The model in the video is holding the identical pose as the model in the magazine. This tells me that if she moves at all something terribly wrong about this item will be revealed (other than the huge gauge and crazy-short dolman sleeves).

I was finally able to find the most crazy items from the fall TNNA fashion show. I warn you. They are crazy. Kuh-razy. The insanity begins around 6:25 and peaks around 7:06.



I don't know why it never occurred to me to knit a vest out of chinchilla fur and feathers...

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This? TNNA Edition

Pictures are not allowed at TNNA and unfortunately everything from last weekend's show is still under wraps. So I'm going to share with you the biggest, most Thursday item in all of TNNA-dom. It's been at every show I've attended so far. I've searched high and low to find a photo to share with you. I can't find one. But I did locate this video of last year's fashion show. If you're impatient you can jump right to 3:48.



Sadly no video can do justice to this creation. Every time I see it--and you see it a lot at TNNA--I instinctively reach for my camera. That is after I recover consciousness.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

After last week this tea cozy doesn't seem so bad.



I mean, there's something crazy and kind of cute about it in the abstract. But I still can't imagine drinking a beverage that came from inside that pink fuzzball.

By chance it ended up next to another photo in my file that makes me fear that everything is now evolving into pink fuzzballs.



Now that they've come for the children I worry what's next.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I once claimed to have found the world's least appetizing tea cozy. I may have been mistaken.



It's like someone crossed the Yarngina with a tea pot. Then stabbed it. Twice.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

After staring at this photo for a long time the granny squares have started to stare back at me. That's not right.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Thursdays don't take a holiday. But we're calling it in slightly today by just directing you to go look at this. It was sent to me by Purlygirl Sharon. At first I thought it was fake but I've done some investigating and discovered that it's real! Horrors.

Merry Christmas.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

My thoughts exactly.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Jumpsuit
"freesized"
100% "cashwool"

You may preorder for a mere £960. Hurry.

Thanks to Katia for sending me this one.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Let's see what knitwear is coming down the runway.



Our first garment is covered in pustules shaded to match your first apartment's kitchen.



A sprinkling of flowers gives our pustules a "south of the border" flair. Ole!



Just the thing for fall, a paramecium kimono.



In this look we see a mythic struggle of paramecium and pustules for dominance over the human species.



And finally the dawning of the age of flowers.

These last two are cautionary tales for knitters.



Shibori gone wild.



Why entrelac must be judiciously employed.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This? Thanksgiving Edition

The people have spoken. Everyone has been emailing me all week. I hear you. Here you go.



I thought it was the same at my '06 post but apparently that one was knit and this is crocheted. Which you can see makes a world of difference.

Happy Turkey Day!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Big Ass Knits have been discussed pretty thoroughly on Thursdays. I have pretty much sworn off writing about them. But then the Victoria's Secret "fashion" show took place this weekend. I think you'll forgive me for delving into this subject once again.



Your eyes are not deceiving you. That is a (very young) girl in a bra and tap pants with suspenders wearing a titanic garter stitch scarf. If I might make a suggestion to any of you who find yourself chilled while lounging in your dainties you might consider putting on clothing instead of a huge scarf. Just a thought.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I imagine some people think styling a photoshoot is a pretty easy job. You take a pretty model, put her in a pretty location, slap a handknit on her and badda-bing-badda-boom you have a great looking shoot.

Just remember when you're slapping that handknit on to put it on right side up.



Otherwise you end up with a model looking like a demented elf.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

There is only one thing to say about today's photos.







Pierre Cardin has lost his shit.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This? Really Early Edition

Hey baby, nice tams.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Oh dear, what's this in the living room?



My goodness! What happened?



Oh yes. It's my Roadkill Carpet. Of course.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

It's an easy week for me. WOW 2008 has wrapped up. And wow Wow is wow.

So hard to narrow down the choices to show you.

There's food.



"Bras."



The ritualized humiliation of this dude.



One thing is for sure. They all look damned uncomfortable.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Today's feature is the new Ah-Ah-CHOO! Collection. Their tagline is "Coochie-couchie-coo."


"Hee. It tickles."


"Umm, this is getting kind of uncomfortable."


"Okay, seriously. This stuff is all over me. I'm scared to move."


(Through smiling teeth) "Get this fucking this off my head. Right. NOW."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Reader Kat gets me. She sends me links to all sorts of crazy things.

This week it's the latest in men's knitwear.



Because guys are all about sequined twin sets.



And hot pink, animal print twin sets. Guys can not get enough of twin sets.



My little pony. Guys love ponies.



Massive, dimensional ram's heads.

Now that you know what your fellow really wants grab those needles and get knitting! I'm already half-done with my massive ram's head, hot pink, ponied twin set. Wes is going to have the best Christmas ever.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Borrowing a page from Candy Kirby, I pose the question, "Who wore it better?"


Or



Or



Or



Or



Or

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Scene: Jessica is looking at knitting patterns.

Jessica: Hmm, those are kind of nice wrist warmers and--Oh my god! What the hell? What the? What the hell is that? What? Oh my god. Ew. OH. MY. GOD. EW! Ewewewewewewewewewewew. EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

(I think this is around the time I blacked out.)

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

And she was never heard from again.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This? Culinary Edition

This one should have you shaking your head for the rest of the day.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I have to admit when I saw there was a pattern called Hand Fur Cuffs I was expecting something racier than this.



And don't get me started on these Wood Hoods.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Such a versatile garment. You can wear it one of two ways.
Ugly and constricting.



Or just ugly.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Just what I need, a bullseye on my abdomen. I'm also seriously thinking about knitting a dart board for my ass.





I feel your pain, kid.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I'm pretty sure I understand this outfit.



It's a God's Eye meant to protect the wearer. Or maybe to protect anyone looking at the wearer.

Or, depending on your belief system, it's the eye of Sauron. In which case you better hustle and get that ring into Mount Doom.

And that reminds me of this.



P.S. What is the deal with the model's shoes? Are they made from human skin? They are seriously creeping me out.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Big Ass Knits are unstoppable. But the models seem to be getting tired and tipsy.


"Whoa, a little top heavy!"


"Ay, too bottom heavy!"


"Maybe if I sing 'I'm a Little Teapot' people will think it's intentional."


"Ah, once you thin it around the middle you can balance."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

There are so many things that cheese me off about this sweater.



1. Bad planning. Look at those horrible curling edges. What's happening at the neckline? All that bulk under the sleeves!

2. Not attractive. This is just icky looking.

3. Reminds me of the commercial for Master of Disguise and I've tried really hard to forget it.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I had a post all set to go tonight but then I saw these detergent ad photos on the Craft blog. They are just too bizarre and creepy not to share.





They are unintentionally very reminiscent of these suits but most of all they remind me of this.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

We've all heard that old saw about real estate. Location, location, location. It applies to knits as well.

This circular motif placed at the end of a scarf is a pretty and interesting accent.



Placed squarely over the model's crotch. Not as attractive.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I'm not completely opposed to cropped tops. There are some elegant ways to work the shorter sweater. Then there are ways to slap a rectangle of knitting on the chest of a model.



It's not helpful to "embellish" when a design already makes you look super-stumpy. How much do we think this denim tank top weighs anyway?


Looks like something the daughter on Swingtown would wear.

It turns out the same is true for crochet.



Even the model can't hide her disdain for this weighty, stumpy sweater.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

While I admit I've had a go at Berocco more than a time or two I haven't fugged them in a long time. The quality of their patterns, while not matching my taste, has vastly improved. But the latest group of patterns has some real issues.


This hat vexes me. Is this even a real photo? Has the hat just been added to a photo of a model with photoshop? What does the hat even look like? I can see how it will appear from the top of a ladder but how about a side view?


Knitwear meets bondage. I can see the appeal of having small accessories connected so you won't lose one but why have the scarf-y thing so short you can't actually use it to warm yourself? Why all the arm wrapping? I'm confused.


This one was in the fashion show at TNNA. I should probably recuse myself because I detest anything glittery (it's in a shiny silver yarn). But the way this one moved on the model gave me the willies. The front dewlap, or perhaps udder, just flapped back and forth as the model walked down the runway. Highly unattractive.


This one, in addition to winning the "Most Unruly Edge in a Published Knitting Pattern," also gave the impression that someone was standing behind the model holding her breasts in his hands. It's styled more tastefully here but beware the strips of ribbing that cup the breasts! Beware!


Everyone has been sending me the link to this one. What can I say? I also have a lot of trouble with button placement. Next time try placing a pin to correspond to each buttonhole. Should fix this one right up.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

From the designer who brought you the dissected frog comes just the thing you've been waiting for. The dissected rat! You can relive those the waves of panic and nausea that made dissection so much fun without all the mess.




You can knit one yourself. The pattern is available as a download.

Personally, I'm still holding out for the fetal pig.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

This week the fashion world lost a legend, Yves Saint-Laurent. It seems he was not immune to Big Ass Knits either.


photo via Veronik A.'s Flickrstream

See the full view of the "mummy bridal dress" here.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I have found a new disturbing effect of Big Ass Knits. They don't just repel pants. Even the yarn is trying to get away.



See how it's all working it way out of the sweater to regroup and try to leap off the hem? The poor yarn. It wants out. After the failed hem-line escape it makes its way up to the collar.



The beads aren't too happy either.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I have three words that should make you happy.
Kazakhstan Fashion Week.









Apparently in Kazakhstan you either go big or go home.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Sandra Backlund's designs are pretty entertaining on the runway.



But I love them even more as animated gifs!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I just realized I hadn't shared all of my Moscow fashion week picks. I thought I covered it in these two posts.


Is there actually a garment here? I see scraps of fabric over leggings.


This one has a sort of I Dream of Jeanie meets Gwen Stefani meets Fergie kind of vibe.


Nothing says fashion like animals skulls hanging from your belt.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The whole counterpane thing is all well and good. But designers might want to spend a little more time thinking about the placement of the panes.



Even so I'm sure the model was happy just to be done with this ensemble.



If you cross the whipped cream appearance of the second outfit with the poor placement of the first you end up with this.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I was sent this little gem as a birthday gift from my friend Patricia in Austin. It kept me up last night trying to wrap my brain around it.



Yup, an intarsia goldfish toilet lid cozy. I have so many questions.

1. Why do you need to knit a cozy for your toilet?
2. Why isn't the toilet-contoured floormat also knit?
3. Why is there a goldfish on it?
4. Is it so you know where to put goldfish?
   

Then I went in for the closeup and found the most pressing question of all.



What alien planet if this fish from?

And so long as we're on the topic of Intarsia Gone Wild. A little something for your next trip to the dentist.



While I agree that flossing is important I imagine the two years it would take you to knit this sweater might be better spent.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

We had so much fun last week with Moscow fashion week I thought we'd do it again. This time the theme is How to Dress Like a Tranny Hooker.









Say it with me. "She's a man, baby!"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

What curious paths life takes us down. I set out trying to hunt down a larger version of this photo from Moscow fashion week.



Pretty crazy awesome, right? Or so I thought until I realized that investigating Moscow fashion week is truly a trip down the rabbit hole. It leads to this.



Then this.



And finally this.



Curiouser and curiouser.

I know there's no knitting here but I suspect you'll forgive me.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

What is the editorial process that lead to this cover?

A. "Bright is in. Can it be brighter?"

B. "80s are in. Can it be more out of date?"

C. "We're going to drink this entire bottle of Cuervo and the last one standing gets to pick the photo."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Who among us hasn't had the urge to knit a sassy pair of yellow, cowboy-inspired pants? I know. And wouldn't they be so much better in yellow with a lot of random texture? But you hold back. We, as a community, have been able to restrain yourselves. Until now.



When I first saw this next photo I thought, "It's kind of Sgt. Pepper meets the Muppets." But know I don't even notice the sweaters. I just want to know what the hell happened to the front model's hand. Why is it all black? My best guess is they were photoshopping the color on her sweater and her hand got in the way. The other possibility is that the hand has died but is still attached to her body.



This last one was sent to me by Birdy.



A crocheted hamburger dress. Perhaps I'm blinded by my undying love for hamburgers or a deep appreciation of kitsch. But I freaking love this dress. It's insane. There are crocheted sesame seeds on the bust! It's so fug I think it's looped back around to fab.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Vanna White hosted a fashion show with Lion Brand? Wonder no more, my friends.





See an entire Flickr set here.

Wonder what it looks like in motion?



I, for one, cannot wait until fall.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I get it. Being a designer is hard. Always having to come up with something new. A new twist, a new angle.

Or you can just make a lot of random crap for people to wear around their necks.

Randomly crocheted "necklace."



Randomly bumpy lariat.



Randomly furry.



Just plain random.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Something you need to get off your back, dear?



Kind of the knitted version of "Don't tread on me." It begs the question, "what coat do you wear with that?"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Big Ass Knits have made it to fashion week in Milan!





And work it.



It seems BAK only repel women's pants. The key is to wear men's pants.



Cheer up, sweetie, it's almost over.

Finishing up with the perfect little number for the blushing bride.



Tube socks and high heeled sneakers are a must.

Thanks to reader Chloe for letting me know BAK had touched down in Italy.

The Best News from Fashion Week

Axl Rose* is still getting work.

*No relation. Thank God.

Ratty Ass Knits

Instead of Big Ass Knits this season's look is all tore up.

Donna Karan, What Were You Thinking?!

This is all cribbed straight from the Trendsetter 2005 playbook.

Visible Panty...Lines?

In perusing the fashion week photos I found a design team or company called VPL. It really makes me laugh that their clothes look like this.





I think the panty lines are supposed to be visible underneath your clothes.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

It's fashion week.I'm not seeing many knits except for a few watered down versions of last year's insanity.




Come on, people. Can't you come up with anything better (or crazier) than that?

The lack of knitting is most likely due to the fact that the shows are all dripping in fur. Didn't we all collectively decide that fur was beyond disgusting a long time ago? Anyway, I didn't find any knits but I did find this.



What are we thinking here? Paisley? Sperm? Quotation marks?



I hadn't realized that crepe paper was also making a comeback.

And hey look! This one's knit.



And for those of you who are keeping track, this is the same designer that brought us last year's severed hand dress.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The competition rages on. Designers are still battling it out to see who can come up with the worst hat ever.

This one definitely isn't the worst. But I love the way it appears to be photoshopped on to the model's head.



This one, however, is a serious contender.



Insane colors? Check.
Fun fur? Check.
Hunormous size? Check.

And then there's the worst poncho battle.



She appears to be locked in some sort of monastery to reflect on her sins while wearing a hair shirt poncho. Though she looks so happy. Must be the shoes.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Are you struggling to get some projects finished? Is your huge pile of UFOs getting you down? I have the solution. Just sew together the pieces of all your half-knit sweaters. No one will ever know.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

This one has been making the rounds so you may have seen it already. A knitted and needle felted dissected frog.




I'm hoping the artist will continue to knit and needlefelt other traumatic events from high school. Might I suggest Getting Braces, Being Dumped and The Day You Got Your Period While Wearing White Pants.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The bumpier the better indeed. If only I had a nickel for every time I thought, "I wish I looked bumpier."



Touché designers. I complained that women can't find their own arms in designs like this and you went and proved me wrong. And raised me armpits.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Oh, Louisa. No. No, no, no. You make pretty things. Lovely things. You should not have made this.



This looks like fungus. It looks like alien pods that will explode and transform the hat into a brain sucker. Or worse, like it will grow into a carnivorous poncho.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

We've already established that Big Ass Knits repel pants. I've now found evidence that like polar-opposite magnets they begin to repel the models wearing them.

One moment they're fine and dandy (if by "dandy" you mean "totally crazy")...



Then, suddenly, timberrrrrr.



Imagine how embarrassing that would be at the grocery store.

Once again, one minute they're on.



Then next minute they're running for the hills.



Consider yourself warned.

Christmas is for What the Hell is This?

Remember this old SNL skit about New Shimmer?



Well, Berr@c@ came up with the same idea.

It's a tree skirt!



It's a capelet!



It's a tree skirt and a capelet.

Merry, merry everyone.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Scene: Design meeting for a well-known knitwear magazine.

"Come on, people, we've got to come up with something totally new. Something no one has ever done before that will be completely unflattering to every body type."
"How about an enormous, shapeless poncho?"
"It's been done to death."
"An enormous, shapless, belted poncho?"
"Wait a minute. Now we're getting somewhere. What else can we do?"
"Integrated belt holes!"
"Genius!"



"Now what can we make out of pink mohair that would be completely unwearable?"
"Three words, boss. Balloon. Skirt. Dress."
"Well, I guess we can take an early lunch."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

This week I present a video edition of WTHIT. I don't think any commentary is necessary.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I had no idea the folks at Kn1tter's Magazine were such big Pink Floyd fans. I was stunned to find this tribute to The Wall in the latest issue.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I have long hypothesized that Big Ass Knits repel pants. I now have photographic evidence.



Observe how the pants move away from the giant tank top.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Ladies, there is an accessory that is absolutely de rigueur this winter. You won't want to be caught dead without one.

Helmets.

For day.



And night.



Start knitting, ladies. You don't want to look foolish, do you?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Welcome to the World of Wearable Art. All I can say is, WOW is right.





Those kiwis sure know how to party.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Is this the beginning of a new trend? Zombie chic?



Brains...braaaaaaaaaains.



Thanks to reader Branden for bringing this creation to my attention.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The answer to the question, "What happens to the fingers from all those fingerless gloves?"



Scary chicks wear them while endlessly applying eye makeup.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

These have been making the rounds for a while and have been sent to me by several readers.





At first I couldn't understand why anyone would need such a contraption but I've figured it out. It keeps the pups tender, like veal. A few months of schlepping them around then bon appétit!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Today's post is a hodgepodge of items I've been saving but haven't fit into a particular theme.

The first is one of the "updated" sweaters from the anniversary issue of VK.



I think this one has only been updated from 1989 to later in 1989. The enormous diaper-style skirt is a bonus!



Cabled hot pants. With a belt. Really there is nothing more to say.



Garish poncho + blue eyeshadow = fug!



I believe the model is intending a "come hither" look. But this one turned out to be more of a "can you believe this shit?"

Lastly, the only word a fugger ever needs to know. Bjork.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

People, people, didn't we resolve this whole poncho thing like two years ago? It's over. You can not fix it. You can not revive it. Let it go.

Combining it with the new Big Ass trends to create a MEGAPONCHO will not work.



Floor length will not make it more elegant.



And I don't even know what the hell this one is all about.



Please just do some deep breathing and release ponchos from your lives.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

"I don't know what this Rose-Kim chick keeps going on about Big Ass Knits for. They're perfectly fine. Please ignore that my arms appear to be missing and have been replaced with robotic appendages. I'm okay. Really."



"And, um, I don't really need pants. Nope. It's all good. I've got my knee pads. I'm all set."



"Just let me adjust these breast wings and I'll be right with you."



"A little help here, please."



"All better now--Gah! Oh damn. Arnie, the thing's on my head again!"



"What? No, I've tried moving the things already. Yes, I'm wearing my lycra bodysuit but it's still not working."



"There! Ah ha! Now I'll open a can of whup-ass on anyone who says another word about my Big Ass Knits!"

More Wretchedness to Share

Click here to see the rest of the rat cape runway show. Brace yourself.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

It appears *shudder* that RAT *shudder* is the new black. *shudder* *shudder*



*shudder*



*shudder*

Manolo even found rat shoes.*

Hustling off the the shower now. *shudder* Can't. Make. The. Dirt. Go. Away.

*Manolo's site seems to be having trouble the last few days. And FYI those are not real shoes.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't leave Clare Tough alone.




And in return she can't seem to leave shlumpy, falling off knits and catsuits alone.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Some of you quibbled with me when I said that baggy sweaters weren't a good thing.



Are you happy now?

We're being lead down a path that will end when women can't find their own arms in their sweaters.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

From Bulgaria with Love, Part II

Don't you hate it when you knit your man a sweater and he tries it on and tells you, "It's okay but I wish the sleeve caps were poufier." Never again!


Oh yeah, baby. Work it.

Or what about when he says, "Sure, a classic aran is nice but what about an immense gray cape so I can pretend I'm Gandalf." Problem solved!


"You shall not pass!"

And when he tells you that sweaters with matching fronts and backs are lame you'll have the solution.


"I love my mis-matched sweater. Deep in here."

Fido doesn't want to be left out!


"Mis-matched legwarmers rock! Woof!"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I'm trying to stay calm to keep from hyperventilating. Gina has sent me a treasure trove of fug so deep and vast I can't get my head around it. This will have to be a two-parter. Maybe three.

The following designs come to you from Bulgaria with love (apologies to Russia). For the first part I'd like to emphasize the risk of overheating due to mohair.

Ventilation is key.


You can begin with a little underarm ventilation.


Or a little overarm ventilation.


Then the full arm, back, side ventilation.


Then the full arm, side, leg to the ground ventilation.


And lastly the all-over ventilation.


You can also forgo a shirt.


Or pants.

Without these vent-holes the model will overheat and start to find other ways to cool herself.


Coming next week: Something for the men!