Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I just realized I hadn't shared all of my Moscow fashion week picks. I thought I covered it in these two posts.


Is there actually a garment here? I see scraps of fabric over leggings.


This one has a sort of I Dream of Jeanie meets Gwen Stefani meets Fergie kind of vibe.


Nothing says fashion like animals skulls hanging from your belt.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The whole counterpane thing is all well and good. But designers might want to spend a little more time thinking about the placement of the panes.



Even so I'm sure the model was happy just to be done with this ensemble.



If you cross the whipped cream appearance of the second outfit with the poor placement of the first you end up with this.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I was sent this little gem as a birthday gift from my friend Patricia in Austin. It kept me up last night trying to wrap my brain around it.



Yup, an intarsia goldfish toilet lid cozy. I have so many questions.

1. Why do you need to knit a cozy for your toilet?
2. Why isn't the toilet-contoured floormat also knit?
3. Why is there a goldfish on it?
4. Is it so you know where to put goldfish?
   

Then I went in for the closeup and found the most pressing question of all.



What alien planet if this fish from?

And so long as we're on the topic of Intarsia Gone Wild. A little something for your next trip to the dentist.



While I agree that flossing is important I imagine the two years it would take you to knit this sweater might be better spent.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

We had so much fun last week with Moscow fashion week I thought we'd do it again. This time the theme is How to Dress Like a Tranny Hooker.









Say it with me. "She's a man, baby!"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

What curious paths life takes us down. I set out trying to hunt down a larger version of this photo from Moscow fashion week.



Pretty crazy awesome, right? Or so I thought until I realized that investigating Moscow fashion week is truly a trip down the rabbit hole. It leads to this.



Then this.



And finally this.



Curiouser and curiouser.

I know there's no knitting here but I suspect you'll forgive me.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

What is the editorial process that lead to this cover?

A. "Bright is in. Can it be brighter?"

B. "80s are in. Can it be more out of date?"

C. "We're going to drink this entire bottle of Cuervo and the last one standing gets to pick the photo."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Who among us hasn't had the urge to knit a sassy pair of yellow, cowboy-inspired pants? I know. And wouldn't they be so much better in yellow with a lot of random texture? But you hold back. We, as a community, have been able to restrain yourselves. Until now.



When I first saw this next photo I thought, "It's kind of Sgt. Pepper meets the Muppets." But know I don't even notice the sweaters. I just want to know what the hell happened to the front model's hand. Why is it all black? My best guess is they were photoshopping the color on her sweater and her hand got in the way. The other possibility is that the hand has died but is still attached to her body.



This last one was sent to me by Birdy.



A crocheted hamburger dress. Perhaps I'm blinded by my undying love for hamburgers or a deep appreciation of kitsch. But I freaking love this dress. It's insane. There are crocheted sesame seeds on the bust! It's so fug I think it's looped back around to fab.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Vanna White hosted a fashion show with Lion Brand? Wonder no more, my friends.





See an entire Flickr set here.

Wonder what it looks like in motion?



I, for one, cannot wait until fall.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I get it. Being a designer is hard. Always having to come up with something new. A new twist, a new angle.

Or you can just make a lot of random crap for people to wear around their necks.

Randomly crocheted "necklace."



Randomly bumpy lariat.



Randomly furry.



Just plain random.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Something you need to get off your back, dear?



Kind of the knitted version of "Don't tread on me." It begs the question, "what coat do you wear with that?"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Big Ass Knits have made it to fashion week in Milan!





And work it.



It seems BAK only repel women's pants. The key is to wear men's pants.



Cheer up, sweetie, it's almost over.

Finishing up with the perfect little number for the blushing bride.



Tube socks and high heeled sneakers are a must.

Thanks to reader Chloe for letting me know BAK had touched down in Italy.

The Best News from Fashion Week

Axl Rose* is still getting work.

*No relation. Thank God.

Ratty Ass Knits

Instead of Big Ass Knits this season's look is all tore up.

Donna Karan, What Were You Thinking?!

This is all cribbed straight from the Trendsetter 2005 playbook.

Visible Panty...Lines?

In perusing the fashion week photos I found a design team or company called VPL. It really makes me laugh that their clothes look like this.





I think the panty lines are supposed to be visible underneath your clothes.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

It's fashion week.I'm not seeing many knits except for a few watered down versions of last year's insanity.




Come on, people. Can't you come up with anything better (or crazier) than that?

The lack of knitting is most likely due to the fact that the shows are all dripping in fur. Didn't we all collectively decide that fur was beyond disgusting a long time ago? Anyway, I didn't find any knits but I did find this.



What are we thinking here? Paisley? Sperm? Quotation marks?



I hadn't realized that crepe paper was also making a comeback.

And hey look! This one's knit.



And for those of you who are keeping track, this is the same designer that brought us last year's severed hand dress.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The competition rages on. Designers are still battling it out to see who can come up with the worst hat ever.

This one definitely isn't the worst. But I love the way it appears to be photoshopped on to the model's head.



This one, however, is a serious contender.



Insane colors? Check.
Fun fur? Check.
Hunormous size? Check.

And then there's the worst poncho battle.



She appears to be locked in some sort of monastery to reflect on her sins while wearing a hair shirt poncho. Though she looks so happy. Must be the shoes.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Are you struggling to get some projects finished? Is your huge pile of UFOs getting you down? I have the solution. Just sew together the pieces of all your half-knit sweaters. No one will ever know.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

This one has been making the rounds so you may have seen it already. A knitted and needle felted dissected frog.




I'm hoping the artist will continue to knit and needlefelt other traumatic events from high school. Might I suggest Getting Braces, Being Dumped and The Day You Got Your Period While Wearing White Pants.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The bumpier the better indeed. If only I had a nickel for every time I thought, "I wish I looked bumpier."



Touché designers. I complained that women can't find their own arms in designs like this and you went and proved me wrong. And raised me armpits.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Oh, Louisa. No. No, no, no. You make pretty things. Lovely things. You should not have made this.



This looks like fungus. It looks like alien pods that will explode and transform the hat into a brain sucker. Or worse, like it will grow into a carnivorous poncho.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

We've already established that Big Ass Knits repel pants. I've now found evidence that like polar-opposite magnets they begin to repel the models wearing them.

One moment they're fine and dandy (if by "dandy" you mean "totally crazy")...



Then, suddenly, timberrrrrr.



Imagine how embarrassing that would be at the grocery store.

Once again, one minute they're on.



Then next minute they're running for the hills.



Consider yourself warned.

Christmas is for What the Hell is This?

Remember this old SNL skit about New Shimmer?



Well, Berr@c@ came up with the same idea.

It's a tree skirt!



It's a capelet!



It's a tree skirt and a capelet.

Merry, merry everyone.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Scene: Design meeting for a well-known knitwear magazine.

"Come on, people, we've got to come up with something totally new. Something no one has ever done before that will be completely unflattering to every body type."
"How about an enormous, shapeless poncho?"
"It's been done to death."
"An enormous, shapless, belted poncho?"
"Wait a minute. Now we're getting somewhere. What else can we do?"
"Integrated belt holes!"
"Genius!"



"Now what can we make out of pink mohair that would be completely unwearable?"
"Three words, boss. Balloon. Skirt. Dress."
"Well, I guess we can take an early lunch."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

This week I present a video edition of WTHIT. I don't think any commentary is necessary.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I had no idea the folks at Kn1tter's Magazine were such big Pink Floyd fans. I was stunned to find this tribute to The Wall in the latest issue.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I have long hypothesized that Big Ass Knits repel pants. I now have photographic evidence.



Observe how the pants move away from the giant tank top.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Ladies, there is an accessory that is absolutely de rigueur this winter. You won't want to be caught dead without one.

Helmets.

For day.



And night.



Start knitting, ladies. You don't want to look foolish, do you?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Welcome to the World of Wearable Art. All I can say is, WOW is right.





Those kiwis sure know how to party.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Is this the beginning of a new trend? Zombie chic?



Brains...braaaaaaaaaains.



Thanks to reader Branden for bringing this creation to my attention.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

The answer to the question, "What happens to the fingers from all those fingerless gloves?"



Scary chicks wear them while endlessly applying eye makeup.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

These have been making the rounds for a while and have been sent to me by several readers.





At first I couldn't understand why anyone would need such a contraption but I've figured it out. It keeps the pups tender, like veal. A few months of schlepping them around then bon appétit!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Today's post is a hodgepodge of items I've been saving but haven't fit into a particular theme.

The first is one of the "updated" sweaters from the anniversary issue of VK.



I think this one has only been updated from 1989 to later in 1989. The enormous diaper-style skirt is a bonus!



Cabled hot pants. With a belt. Really there is nothing more to say.



Garish poncho + blue eyeshadow = fug!



I believe the model is intending a "come hither" look. But this one turned out to be more of a "can you believe this shit?"

Lastly, the only word a fugger ever needs to know. Bjork.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

People, people, didn't we resolve this whole poncho thing like two years ago? It's over. You can not fix it. You can not revive it. Let it go.

Combining it with the new Big Ass trends to create a MEGAPONCHO will not work.



Floor length will not make it more elegant.



And I don't even know what the hell this one is all about.



Please just do some deep breathing and release ponchos from your lives.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

"I don't know what this Rose-Kim chick keeps going on about Big Ass Knits for. They're perfectly fine. Please ignore that my arms appear to be missing and have been replaced with robotic appendages. I'm okay. Really."



"And, um, I don't really need pants. Nope. It's all good. I've got my knee pads. I'm all set."



"Just let me adjust these breast wings and I'll be right with you."



"A little help here, please."



"All better now--Gah! Oh damn. Arnie, the thing's on my head again!"



"What? No, I've tried moving the things already. Yes, I'm wearing my lycra bodysuit but it's still not working."



"There! Ah ha! Now I'll open a can of whup-ass on anyone who says another word about my Big Ass Knits!"

More Wretchedness to Share

Click here to see the rest of the rat cape runway show. Brace yourself.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

It appears *shudder* that RAT *shudder* is the new black. *shudder* *shudder*



*shudder*



*shudder*

Manolo even found rat shoes.*

Hustling off the the shower now. *shudder* Can't. Make. The. Dirt. Go. Away.

*Manolo's site seems to be having trouble the last few days. And FYI those are not real shoes.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't leave Clare Tough alone.




And in return she can't seem to leave shlumpy, falling off knits and catsuits alone.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Some of you quibbled with me when I said that baggy sweaters weren't a good thing.



Are you happy now?

We're being lead down a path that will end when women can't find their own arms in their sweaters.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

From Bulgaria with Love, Part II

Don't you hate it when you knit your man a sweater and he tries it on and tells you, "It's okay but I wish the sleeve caps were poufier." Never again!


Oh yeah, baby. Work it.

Or what about when he says, "Sure, a classic aran is nice but what about an immense gray cape so I can pretend I'm Gandalf." Problem solved!


"You shall not pass!"

And when he tells you that sweaters with matching fronts and backs are lame you'll have the solution.


"I love my mis-matched sweater. Deep in here."

Fido doesn't want to be left out!


"Mis-matched legwarmers rock! Woof!"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I'm trying to stay calm to keep from hyperventilating. Gina has sent me a treasure trove of fug so deep and vast I can't get my head around it. This will have to be a two-parter. Maybe three.

The following designs come to you from Bulgaria with love (apologies to Russia). For the first part I'd like to emphasize the risk of overheating due to mohair.

Ventilation is key.


You can begin with a little underarm ventilation.


Or a little overarm ventilation.


Then the full arm, back, side ventilation.


Then the full arm, side, leg to the ground ventilation.


And lastly the all-over ventilation.


You can also forgo a shirt.


Or pants.

Without these vent-holes the model will overheat and start to find other ways to cool herself.


Coming next week: Something for the men!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I wonder if the designer would have stopped if one of these had been red.



This one definitely should have stopped.



And my back hurts just looking at this model's pose. Were they aiming for the least natural stance possible?



I hope someone alerts this model that her sleeves are making a run for it.
Perhaps off to join the bottom half of this sweater?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Let's turn from the Big Ass Knit pandemic this week to focus on my true bête noire, out of control fringe. I don't object to fringe outright but one must be judicious in its use or one will look like a chubby chandelier.



A bit of fringe at the cuffs? Okay. A bit at the collar? Sure. Lots of fringe at the cuffs, collars, widest part of the hips and knees? Too much.

Placement with fringe is crucial.



Or it will looks like your epaulets are making a run for your southern border.

And see how far they ran?



Okay, enough about fringe. I found out what happens when this outfit gets older.



When will it end?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Try as designers might to put an end to What the Hell is This? you can't stop me!



Granted, after this week it's going to get a whole lot harder. Where can I go after this?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I tell you this job gets easier every week. Reader Dotty sent me this link to Big Ass Knits Live and On Camera! (Sorry, you'll need to watch a really obnoxious ad first.)

Seeing those chicken shoes trotting up and down the runway made my whole day.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

From the looks of Ber*cco's new designs the message is clear...





Fit is out.

Looking refined and tailored is dead. All hail baggy and saggy.
(And if you pair your baggy sweater with a huge baggy skirt you get bonus points!)

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I've got to run to bed. I have a 6 am flight tomorrow morning to go to knitting camp.
I can provide the fugly. You can provide the color commentary. It can be a contest. Make me laugh the hardest and I'll send you a gift from camp.



What the hell is this?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

This week we have two picks from the reader mailbag.



While I appreciate the whimsy of the concept of the sweater still being knit as the model walks down the runway, I am too repulsed by the dismembered corpse hands resting on her shoulders to enjoy it. Bonus points for Batman sidekick-like mask.
(Once again I have lost the name of the nice person who sent this to me.)


(Sent in my Erin. Look! I remembered this one!)

My first thought was, "Leggings with flip-flops? What the hell? Either it's so cold you need to cover your leg--in which case you also need to cover your feet--or it's so hot you need flip-flops and it's too warm to wear leggings."

But of course the larger problem is that these massive leggings look exactly like this guy's lower body.



If I ever looked down and saw what appeared to be all the flesh from my torso dripping down my legs like this I would high-tail it to the dermatologist. Stat.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

You can only pull "Yeti" out every so often. I fear I've used it too much here on Thursdays. So I've turned to my thesaurus.

Let's see...

Fleecy

Furry

Fuzzy

Hairy

Hirsute

Pilose

Woolly



Screw it.

Yeti! There! I said it.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Rowan,
You are breaking my heart. Just because the other kids are doing it doesn't mean you should.





"Why can't I wear a pretty sweater like her?"

Sadly, the big ass knits epidemic of '07 continues. It appears to be worse than the brain sucker invasion of '05. Please, for the safety of your knits, take precautions.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

So many questions.


Have you been reading Katy No-Pocket?



What's that opening for? On second thought, don't tell me.



Have you lost your mind? And my, that camel toe looks painful.



How much does Rick Mondragon hate women?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Big Ass Knits! They're unstoppable.







And they seem to repel pants.

I've tried warning you all in the past. If this trend continues I'll be forced to move to Phase II. Confinement.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I don't know about you but when I think about formal wear I think of felt.
Stiff, heavy, wool felt.



Now why does this one remind me of Bill Nighy?

Oh. Right.



For that little coral reef in all of us.


And this one is just the thing if you want something that says, "I perished in a watery grave."




Thanks so much to the reader who sent this in. I forgot your name! Damn, I have got to start writing these things down.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

One of the comments that is often left on these Thursday posts is, "There are no words." And while this week's entries may elicit stunned silence from many readers I think I've found a few words to sum it all up.







The Words

• Sweaty
• Itchy
• Batshit Crazy
  

Thanks to readers Carrie and Tami for sending me this!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Oh no, the model for this photo shoot died unexpectedly just days before the pictures were set to be taken.

But that didn't seem to stop anybody.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Okay, people, say it with me.
Grown women should not wear rompers. Ever. Period.



EVER.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I suppose after this and this that it was inevitable.



A fetus-shaped coin purse. What else is there to say but "ewwwwww?"

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Break out your size 36 needles, ladies. Big ass knits continue to be the rage for fall. Won't we all look splendid dressed like this come cooler weather.





Remember it's crucial to pair this looks with a tiny belt to break up the line.

Or you never know what might happen.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Some magazines never fail to deliver the Thursday fodder.

All hail the queen of the tacky twinset.





And a picture of what would happen if you fed yarn to your cat.


This is what you would find in the litter box although hopefully without the cellphone.


And if you didn't clean the box for a few days you might find this (again minus the phone).

I don't want to get in trouble by naming names so let's just say that this magazine's name rhymes with "Shit n' Bile."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

I was looking at the listings for Knitty Gritty and came across this picture.




What the hell is this?
And who thought putting something in bright, winter white on television was a good idea?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Famous knitting performance artist Kristina (really, check out the new Vogue Knitting) sent me this a while ago. Somehow it got buried in my Thursday folder. It seems to be a response to these. You can see where I'm going with this already, can't you? Okay, so click at your own risk.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Dear V*gue Knitting,

Thank you for this reminder to perform my monthly breast self-examination.

Sincerely,

Jessica

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

"Hi, Janie. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, Susie. How are---OH MY GOD! What the hell is on your back?"



"What?? Oh, ew! What is that? Get it off of me!"

"All right. Just try to stay calm."

"Oh God, Janie. What the hell is on your back?"



"GETITOFF! GETITOFF!"

"AHHHHH, what do we do??"

"I don't know but we have to stop it...



...before it gets to the children."

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

It's the return of the insane knits.

This time the theme is red.

Red Head


Better Dead Than Red


My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose (That I Wear Wrapped Around My Ass


Red--Holy Crap! I forgot my pants!

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

When you think of Dale of Norway what kind of image does it conjure? Perhaps rugged Norwegians in ski sweaters or sweaters with traditional designs? Well, forget that. Because something strange happens when Dale of Norway does crochet.



It goes slutty.





And Drops does too!





What the hell happened here?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

After making a splash in New York Big Ass Knits have now hit the runways overseas.


Big Ass Knits for boys.


Big Ass Knits for girls.


You call that big?


You can get bigger than that.


Bigger!


Keep going.


And we're there.

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

Another season, another wacky set of designs by M*ggie J*ckson.















What must be going through that head of hers?

Thursdays are for What the Hell is This?

More fashion from the New York runway. This week's theme: Big Ass Knits.