Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Remember, knitters...

check your gauge.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

I haven't posted a TIFWTHIS in a while. I guess I was in a bit of a rut. But then a yarn company posted a pattern for their new yarn called WOW! And all I can say is, "Wow, indeed."

This little number is knit on size 50 needles. I assume the model is posing like this so she can prop up her head with her arms because...damn. That's a Big Ass hat.

The same company came out with another pattern for those who find this one too subtle, too tasteful, too small.

Wow. Wow, indeed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

The great Tom Lehrer once said,"Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize."

I feel rather the same at the moment. What is the point of WTHIS? when the THIS is on the COVER of Vogue Knitting.

Knit flat and then stitched together, no less! Am I being punked? I think I'm being punked.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Dear Readers,

I realize I have been scarce lately. Luckily, something has knocked me from my stupor. I was surfing Ravelry, as one does, and saw something that made me spontaneously blurt out, "What the hell is this?" And then it struck me that I have been neglectful.

I don't think this requires much further commentary. It is a head-scratcher. And probably a nose-tickler for that matter.

The pattern is available on Ravelry should you feel the sudden urge to recreate it.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Let's call this, The Case of Mistaken Identity.

This is Pidgeot.



This is also Pidgeot.



This is a crochet pattern called Pidgeot.




Do you see where I'm going with this?

This is a Snowy Owl.



This is the Snowy Owl Tea Cozy.



I assume we're all familiar with a little fella named Mickey Mouse.



Then who the hell is this guy?



By the way, the pattern is for sale for $3.99.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Okay, so I know what this is. I just don't know why it is.



This "pattern" costs $4. That is four US dollars. FOUR. That is more than half an hour of work at federal minimum wage.

I think this is unjust and have decided, based on viewing the finished object, to offer an alternative at no charge.

Free Pattern
Step 1: Make giant ass pom pom.
Step 2: Attach to headband.

You're welcome.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

You don't have to look at it. 

But what about the rest of us?

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

I don't know about you but I feel a little dizzy.

I think I need to sit down.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

I am an avid fan of RuPaul's Drag Race. I have watched every episode of every season since day one. (For the record, #teamnina, #teamshangela, #teamshangela, #teamsharon, #teamjinkx, #teamdela, #teamviolet, #teambob) But I do try to refrain from adopting drag language. But if ever there was a time, it is now.

It is time to serve breakfast. The category is poultry realness.

Girl, that's how you (s)lay the runway.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

So many thoughts, guys.

Ghostbusters.

You Can't Do That On Television.

Pan's Labyrinth.

But mostly I'm just thinking, "NO!"

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Summer is approaching and, based on skimming new patterns on Ravelry, that means chintzy crocheted tops are in! Honestly, I did not go looking for this subject. But when three iterations show up on the first two pages of Recently Added Patterns you have a trend on your hands, friends. Actually the trend appears to be on your boobs.

**Slightly NSFW Warning** 

Do not proceed if you will feel uncomfortable with your screen filling with breasts harnessed in myriad crocheted configurations. 

Personally it's the models' comfort I worry about. These can't feel good to wear, can they?

Okay...here we go...

The knitted version is slightly more tasteful.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Soon graduation season will be upon us. Looking for something to wear when you graduate at the top of your class from clown college? I've got you.








Oh the places you'll go!

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Love you, fashion. Never change.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

There is very little I understand about this.



But the thing that troubles me the most is WHERE DID THE MODEL'S OTHER HAND GO?? I may not sleep well tonight.

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

The fashion world is constantly trying to reinvent the old. But I think there's a reason crocheted hats haven't been "reinvented." When you move the openings, they are terrifying.

Kind of impossible, at this point in time, to view these without thinking about fava beans and a nice chianti.

On the plus side, no more bad hair days!

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

"On this week's unconventional materials challenge we'd like you to design a runway collection using nothing but old insulation foam, garbage bags and sweatsuits." 

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

"Yes, thank you. I realize my leggings are an attractively knit cable design. However, please do not disturb me while I wear the Great Plaid Nut of Solitude. I shall now wave you away, in silence, with my eyelashes."

Thursday Is for What the Hell Is This?

Your wardrobe for a dystopic future where we all live in bland offices and wear ace bandages and cut-pile carpet.




With heels, naturally.

Thursday Is For What the Hell Is This?

It's been a long time, friends, since a knitting design made me so stabby. But the more I look at it, the more complaints I have.

1. Color. I know it's a matter of personal taste and many of you might enjoy this color but I loathe it.
2. Edging. Did the designer intend for the edges to be floppy and crumpled? I can't stop staring at that chunky, rumpled neckline and just want to shout, "NO!"
3. Surface. The wobbly, lumpy, bumpy "cables" look like they were just slapped on to the front.
4. Shape. There is none. It's a flat rectangle that swallows this poor model's entire torso--and then some.
5. Placement. The giant diamond over the smaller diamond make the model look even thicker and wider across the top half. And the bottom diamond look just plain wrong over the lower abdomen.
6. Fit. If you're going to make a boxy tunic don't have it hug the hips. Because then it's not a boxy tunic. It's a figure-hugging sweater withe ENORMOUS shoulders. And maybe it's the terrible pose of the model but it also looks like the armholes come down way too far. 

Put it all together and I could not hate this sweater any more. Even the model's expression seems to say, "Just take the fucking picture already so I can take this thing off."