This Could Be a New Feature

I was at the mall on Friday and wandered into Yankee Candle. I don't know if I have ever stepped foot in there before but someone had suggested one of their candles scents and I wanted to give it a sniff. Then I saw this.

I was immediately repulsed and marched straight out of the store. I think I'm most offended by the registration mark next to God Bless America, like, "Yeah, Yankee Candle, that phrase is yours now. Go you." But the whole image, Lady Liberty, the flag, a candle shop in a mall. It made me flee. I posted about it on Instagram/Facebook. 

"Really disappointed that this God Bless America candle (tm) doesn't smell like roasted Bald Eagles and jingoism."

On my way out the door, though, I spotted this beauty.

In case you can't quite make out the image that's a hand pointing a remote control at a television with sports on. Because men! Again, total revulsion. It's 2014. We still define men as primarily sitting in front of TVs watching sports? And they need their own candle fragrances? What happens when a man walks into a room where a scented candle--not a Man Candle--is burning? Does is repel them like a force field? Burn them to death like that toxic gas in Catching Fire? I live with three men. I need to know.

 Again I took to social media.

"This one, I believe, smells like day old pepperoni pizza and regret."

Franklin and I had a little talk about man candles.

If I'm not careful I'm going to end up like this Youtuber who almost exclusively does exhaustive reviews of Bath and Body Works candles. A man, I'd like to point out. 

In the meantime I'll leave you with this bit authentic marketing genius from Yankee Candle.